Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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