She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
