so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
where are you?
Hypothermia
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
