i don't plan on having that self control this summer
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
