You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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