I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
