fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
