New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
