Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
