At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
