Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Randomize
