Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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