I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
