Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
As shirtless as possible
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
