okay pat passed out under dana's car
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
