We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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