I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
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