Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Too much gin, very little bucket
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
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