is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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