haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
