he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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