Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I wannas sexs uuuuu
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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