My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
