Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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