did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Small penises have feelings too.
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
