I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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