Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
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