I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
