My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
