I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
