Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
