omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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