I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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