the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
