I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
