So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
