sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
