I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
