You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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