I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
