I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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