it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
You can't motorboat a personality
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
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