i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
