Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
