got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
