She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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