Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I just googled if crying burns calories
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
