I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
