I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
