You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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