you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
